did the stork drop something off on our door step??

so lately i have been what you call...baby crazy. it's as if mother nature called and said if you dont have a baby right now...i will stab you in the eyeball. ouch. let's go over the facts shall we?

WARNING: IF YOU NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE IN THE NEXT 2 MINUTES I SUGGEST YOU STOP READING NOW. THIS ONE IS GONNA BE A LITTLE LONG.

a) its sad (and by sad i mean embarrassing) to admit that in the shower i have more than once put my hands on my stomach and imagined what my huge belly would look like.

b) my co-worker melissa has the squishiest and most adorable 4 month old baby girl! she brought her in the other day and as i'm holding her i'm thinking to myself " i'm sure if i asked, melissa would toootally give me her daughter". okay no i really didn't think that but it was actually kind of hard to give her back.

c) lately i have found myself spending way to much time looking at baby bump pictures from great photographers like rena and how adorable the mom's all look. also people like anjuli (who btw i've never met but somehow everyone i know seems to know her and thanks //via facebook// i get to look at her awesome pictures). i imagine how exciting it will be for dane and i when it's our time to take a picture of my huge bump when i'm 8 months or so.

d) dude have you seen how cute dane's nephew landen is?! its a little ridiculous. granted i know our kids wont look exactly like him because well for one, we are not daryl and nichole. but dane was sooo cute as a baby. so i can't help but daydream about what our children will look like. (my dad swears that our children will look like pudge rodriguez, the catcher from the washington nationals) i definitely don't see it but i guess you can be the judge.... 

now obviously i know all the reason why having a baby right now is sooooo not okay! for everyone that keeps telling me babies are so expensive, they take so much time, blah blah blah. i know all this i really do. one half of my brain thinks:

jenna get it together! really? you think dane still in school working part time at night, you working full-time at a not so high paying job and barely moving into your own place in a few weeks is the right time to have a baby?? how about how you living 8 hours away from your family? not okay.

and than the other half of my brain (this mushy gushy side) thinks:

oooo but babies are so cute with their wittle hands and their squishy bottoms! and and and...well i don't have a lot of reasons. but i just want one! lol

i truly am starting to think that me not being around kids as i was before might be a huge factor in this. when i was a nanny, a babysitter, and working in pre-schools...all i was doing was being around children of all ages. since living in flagstaff, i have been baby-less (is that even a word? probably not.) people in this city never need sitters and now that i'm in the administrative business...not exactly a lot of kids coming my way.

to all you people who are about to say : you need to distract yourself. dude don't you think i've tried??

somehow i managed to trick my mind last week with needless tasks of changing my name. i changed my social security card, my drivers license, added dane to my car insurance (which saved me $7 fyi haha), gave HR my new info etc etc...

i'm also being hopeful that this move will help. dane and i move in a couple weeks, and haven't even started packing. maybe also i will be so compelled to make this new apartment our little home that babies will be the farthest thing from my mind??

this week i starting working out again....let's pray that maybe that will be my answer.