i'm not ready to stop being selfish....am i?

honestly that is the only way i could start this off.

dane and i got into one of our "how did we get on this topic?" conversations the other week and i can't stop thinking about it since. i'm serious...i couldn't even tell you when or where this started but it did and now i'm thinking ALL.THE.TIME.

short version? if things go as planned/hope/wish with dane graduating and getting a job....we could be trying to get pregnant as soon as late next summer.

yeah.

at first i was excited! it seemed like it was just around the corner so i did what i always do. google :) i was on every pregnancy website i could think of to get information about ways to prepare before conceiving, what the first months are like, blah blah blah! but then a few days later it started to really sink in. of course in the beginning it was all cute baby bump pictures, how my baby shower would look like, beyond adorable onesies etc. then i started to really really think about this.

i'm sorry but i really enjoy sleeping in 'til 11am if i want.

i'm sorry but i enjoy having lazy sundays with dane where we don't get off the couch except to get more food.

i'm sorry but i enjoy thinking/planning all the places i want to travel with dane...soon.

i'm sorry but i enjoy talking about dane as much as people with listen lol

i'm sorry but i enjoy knowing that (besides family) we are each others most important people.

i know i know that next summer is soooo long away and that a lot can happen before then. i know that this is all banking on when dane gets a job so yes it can be as SOON as next summer but also as late as whenever after he graduates. but with these thoughts in my head...will i ever want a baby? 

i mean duh i know i will want kids but will i always find excuses for "we aren't ready". all people ever do is tell us to wait wait and wait some more. that there is sooo much time for kids. yes i agree but what if we take that advice literally and we wait until we have done all the things we want and then finally have kids?? that could be 10 years from now!

i know i am probably being crazy and i just keep thinking there will be this perfect time when we will know and be ready for kids. i am partly excited because i can't wait to have  a baby but the other part of says i don't think so! take everyones advice. gosh right when i was completely over my baby fever...BAM! it comes back again.

 ugh it just drives me crazy not knowing!

ps. look familiar dad??